Funny 1s

Hi all,

here r some jokes to tickle ur funny bone....

See How National Leaders Talk To Each Other--

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you
are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."

=====================================================================
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you.It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with
that........

Bush: What buildings? What people??

Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?

Bush: It's eight in the morning.

Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

=======================================================================

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"

Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"

Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

=======================================================================

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...

Q:What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!!

Life Span of a Man

God created the donkey and said to him:
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years."

God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog."

The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. "

God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years."

The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."

God granted his wish.

Finally God created man and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused."

God granted man's wish.

---------------------------------------------------------------

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

Is'nt it?

Any comments? i wanna know.

Do Something Nice

A man was walking down the beach at sunset. As, he walked along, hesaw another man in the distance. He noticed this man kept leaningdown, picking up something and throwing it out into the water, againand again. As, he approached even closer, he noticed that the man waspicking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach. He wasthrowing them back into the water, one by one.Puzzled, he approached the man and said,"Good Evening. I was wondering what you are doing.""I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's lowtide and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If, Idon't throw them back into the ocean, they'll die up here from lack ofoxygen.""But, there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can'tpossible get to all of them. And, don't you realize this is probablyhappening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can't yousee that you can't possibly make a difference?"The man bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw itback into the ocean. With a smile he replied, "Made a difference tothat one !!!"Just remember, no matter how small the deedit really does makes a difference.Make a difference today.Do something nice for someone else.

Some Wacky Quotes

Some Wacky Quotes

"I want to die like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep....Not yelling and screaming like the passenger in his car"

"I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!"
- George Best -

"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons."
- Douglas Adams. -

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
- Spike Milligan. -

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. "
- Socrates. -

"If your left leg was easter, and your right leg was christmas, would i be able to meet you inbetween the holidays?"
- Josh Longden -

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
- Seinfeld -

Your son may be an honor student, but you are still stupid!
- famous bumper sticker -

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Bertrand Russel -

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Robert Orben -

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie -

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!
- Golda Meir -

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
- Rodney Dangerfield -

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- Emo Philips -

I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
- Monica Piper -

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
- Eric Sykes -

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Jimmy Carter -

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'
The doctor says, 'It's because of old age'
The woman says, 'Doctor, I want a second opinion.'
The doctor says: 'Sure - you're ugly too'

- Tommy Cooper -

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I
have been searching for evidence which could support this.
- Bertrand Russell -

The amount of sleep required by the average person is about
five minutes more.
- Wilson Misner -

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some
men should be happier than others.
- Oscar Wilde -

A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love.
Just ask yourself this one question: Would I mind being
financially destroyed by this person?
- Ronnie Shakes -

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
- Billy Connolly -

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres -

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow.
I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
- Tommy Cooper -

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find
out later she has money.
- Bob Monkhouse -

A man explained inflation to his wife thus:
'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42.
There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.' :P
- Lord Barnett -

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen -

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
- Groucho Marx.-

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Steven Wright -